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Brutal Honesty, is there such a thing?

December 13, 2010 Leave a comment

            As much as it pains me to say this I must confess that the belief that honesty can be brutal is little more than a myth proposed by the hurt recipient. Honesty in its purest form is no more difficult to accept than attending a comedy show and sitting in the front row. You may be the focus for a little while but as long as you don’t take it personally then there is no long-term damage. I take on this position based on my evolving understanding of parenthood, relationships and my undying desire to eat regularly otherwise known as ‘work’.

           I am known as a pessimist by some and as too honest for corporate america by others. So while I already have strong beliefs about this, I feel the need to qualify my statements with illustrations and examples. Let us begin first in the workplace since it is where we are most likely to be encouraged to lie for the benefit of others. When a co-worker comes over and leans in a little too close, is it impolite to suggest that maybe he skipped a tooth or two while brushing this morning?

Should I instead secretly hold my breath while he melts my nose hairs and singes my eyebrows? Is there an appropriate amount of time to wait before mentioning that he needs to step back because I need to start breathing again? Would it be considered rude to say for instance; ‘Excuse me but your breath really smells bad’. What harm could that really cause? I would think the person while initially embarrassed would want to know. It is akin to having a booger waving from one’s nostrils without a clue. It’s my belief that knowing is better than not so I err on the side of being humane.

Can I PLEASE say this without raising the eyebrows of the masses? Some children are just plain bad

bad…………

BAD……

 Yes, I said it without the slightest moment of hesitation. Let me clarify, all children can be unruly at times but some children are just plain old, ill-behaved, head scratching, stick beating, bad. Now I guess I must share that I am from the generation that believes that children when necessary should be beat. There is only so much a timeout is going to discourage. Sometimes a good old-fashioned pop in the mouth is good for the soul and will be remembered a lifetime.  Now don’t get me wrong dear readers, I’m not talking about abuse. I don’t encourage or support the abuse or excessive physical harm to another human being because you are just not creative enough or too lazy to come up with anything else. Sometimes parents need to stop worrying so much about being a friend to their children and worry more about the long-term impact of not being their friend all the time.  Worry more about them loving you when they are 25 than liking you when they are 15.

I visited with a friend over this weekend and little ‘terry’ came running into the room where the adults were and decided to stop the entire conversation to share about his latest escapade. Now, while little terry is adorable I do believe that the parents should have shuttled them off or at least corrected them on the proper way to enter a conversation. Another guest apparently agreed and attempted to correct the little bugger and was promptly told to shut (as they say) the fuck up. Now I almost caught myself snatching up this child who I have seen no less than a week ago in the mall on one of those parent leashes. My better instinct overruled and I got about 2 inches from the tip of his nose. I then mentioned in his own colorful language that if I ever heard him use adult language like that again I would turn his hide the color of his favorite crayon. Amazingly, he decided that instead of taking me up on my offer it was a better idea to just leave. Remarkable how that works huh? When the parent arrived and heard about my exchange her face turned as white as a ghost and she stood in amazement that I would do such a thing. Well as candidly as I possibly could I informed her that the little demon seed needed his ass whipped and if she couldn’t handle it, I’d do it for a sip of iced tea. For some strange reason she asked me to leave.

Does this dress make me look fat?

 

Why don’t you love me anymore? Do you find that girl attractive? My throat hurts do you really want me to give you a blow job tonight? Now, I’m not sure if people asked you these kind of idiotic questions because they are hoping that you just tell them what they want to hear or if they are just gluttons for punishment. It’s not the dress that makes you look fat hunny; it’s the fat that makes you look fat. I don’t love you because I found out that you are not the lady in the streets and freak in the sheets that you promised. You picked your nose at olive garden and will only participate in three positions unless I get you drunk. Do I want a blowjob? Under ALL circumstances the answer to that question remains yes unless my dick is literally on fire and in that case do it with ice. I mean really, should I be overly concerned with sparing the feelings of my partner or think about the long-term impact of giving a less than honest answer? I’m sorry but I believe in making short-term sacrifices for long-term gains. If I don’t tell her the truth I will suffer in the long-term and she will be encouraged to keep asking me stupid questions. So the way I look at it, it’s a win/win situation.

 So when faced with a difficult situation ask yourself…what do I want to deal with tomorrow? Because the answer you give today will dictate that. Save both them and yourself the heartache of a lie. There is nothing brutal about preserving your own sanity. The only brutatility is in letting the actions of others dictate your own and drive you crazy.

THE 7 WAYS TO UNSUCCESSFULLY DATE A SUCCESSFUL BLACK MAN.

April 20, 2010 6 comments

As I wander around the malls of America a few things have occurred to me. Interracial relationships are growing ever so popular but there is a clear divide between the participants. Initially I assumed that all white women who dated black men had basically the same views on interracial dating. Now I see that there are those people who will date someone of any race and race doesn’t matter as long as there is chemistry, attraction and common interests. The fact that they are of another race is more incidental than purposeful.

Then there are the others…..

Today I will explore those women who say they will only date black men. They are easily identifiable and commonly held in contempt by other women. Just in case you cannot locate them I have put together a list that should make them stand out in a crowd like a fly in a bowl of milk.

As with most things not all apply in every case but these are my favorites so enjoy….

1. Language– They always speak like they are straight from the hood. They use more slang than black people. They don’t have either the capabilities or the  desire to use good English. They attempt to relate with language and to most educated black men they sound ignorant and its common to hear them say “If I wanted a woman who acted like that, I’d date a black women.”

2. Attire– They dress very flashy, or at least flashy in comparison to other white people. They wear a lot of hip hop gear or are very fashion conscience. They may wear a lot of jewelry. They get the same name brands that other white women get but tend to lean toward the urban wear. You will never catch them in old navy gear.

3. Attitude– they tend to be more flexible in their belief system. More willing to compromise their values, more willing to put up with stuff.  While another women may be traumatized by the things happening in her life, she just rolls with the punches as it is just par for the course. She “expects” certain things to happen during the course of the relationship so while she will still raise hell about them she will still deal with it but NEVER admit it to anyone but her mirror……because she got an attitude.

4. Volume- they tend to be louder or more arrogant or more demanding in nature. Maybe not to their man cause he might beat that ass but due to the increased frustrations she has to endure with him, she takes it out on others in her life. The relationship with her family members is strained, not because she is dating a black man but more because she is dating a HORRIBLE, black, man. She may stay with him longer just to prove a point.

5. Low self- esteem– lots of women in general have self esteem issues. Its natural to be overly judgment of ourselves if for no other reason than society has this impossible image they portray for the world that we try so hard to emulate and can’t help but feel like a failure because we can’t reach an unattainable goal….but I digress……………I don’t mean this kind of self esteem issues.. I mean the kind that will allow them to accept brothas approaching them for sex without dating, gifts without a relationship and bargain with their feelings on their sleeve. So as long as the guy with the swift tongue, slick words and “spinners” gives them a little attention they are interested. They can also not have much in the way of a social life or maybe they weren’t too popular when they were  growing up but in this new “culture” they are, all the guys are  in their face all the time. They get “mad luv”

6. Sex– The rumors, the rumors, the rumors, I won’t get into the speculation  of whether or not it’s true but the curiosity it there. If they are inclined to lean that way anyway then it gives them an excuse whereas if for no other reason they can blame it on the size of their man’s “swag” then they can say “yeah I know he aint shit but he’s packin and he handling bizness”. It gives them a built in excuse to hang around when they need to make excuses for their more logical friends.

7. Education– Here is where it gets tricky because you have sub-groupings and there is almost a logical linking to certain other items on this list.

a- You will either have the less educated ones that grew up either in the hood or near enough to get in trouble. They are not as afraid because they have a comfort level from their past experiences and most of the people in their lives have other struggles so this one is not such a big deal. The fuss is minimal.

b. You will have the college educated ones that are attracted to sports, athletic or entertainment types. Not realizing initially that most guys in these fields cheat incessantly on their women. It is partly that they have gotten a little full of themselves and partly because there are so many women in competition and they are willing to do some of the other things on this list making it too easy to conquer. Also, because there is such a glut of black men who are in jail, on drugs, beating their women, etc; these types have a little more to offer so the women tend to bend over backwards (literally) to get them. The mentality here is, “I don’t have to be a good man, I just have to be better than the last nigga”

Ignorance is bliss isn’t it?